Autism Magic. Parenting an Autistic Child - Foundations for Parenting

What can you do for your child in a down to earth practical way?

Massage his feet to bring his attention out of the clouds and into the lower parts of his body; speak or sing age appropriate nursery rhymes or rhyming stories at bed time; some lucky parents with access to a horse have found that walking their child sitting on the horse has prompted those amazing first words – that's right very first language whilst sitting on a horse (because of the sense of rhythm that is so important in developing healthy brain patterns and communication skills).

These are just some of many ways to work magic with your children. And once you have a deeper understanding of what autism really is you can likely formulate your own exercises and activities with your child with autism. I have designed “52 STEPS to Parenting Autism Success” to take families on a path of evolution and growth from day one but that's not to say you aren't perfectly capable of creating your own unique routine that works for your child. It just takes understanding and knowledge and a clear head. (Be aware that decisions or life programs are invariably flawed if the designer is distressed or in a state of overwhelm).

You know we really cannot exclude the reality of a spiritual aspect to this material world. We are foundationally spiritual beings – our life force is the measure of our existence not how many fingers or toes we have but the breaths we take and the unseen forces that flow in and around us.

The physical solutions that you might design or that you'll find in 52 STEPS are actually not simply grounded in the material world. Swinging on swings, bouncing on trampolines, massaging feet, the Koala and Panda Bear walks (two of our most fun tools for parents and kids) and other exercises involving rhythm, touch, balance and warmth work not because they are practical tools that reprogram the brain but because they bring the spirit of the child into his body. It's the powering up of unseen metaphysical energies that generate physical change to the brain and other organs.

We put people into boxes and think we understand. We seek answers to the questions but maybe sometimes the appropriate answer to the question is still just a question-mark… and if that sounds a bit nonsensical well to be really simple about it maybe the very best thing you can do for your child is to get interested, to get fascinated… And to get close…

“It took six years, but when I finally realized what I had to do, then it happened, just three days later.

“Finally, my son Ben looked at me and not only did he look into my eyes, but he really looked -- he really saw me as though looking into my soul! There was nothing vacant in his eyes, none of the previous distance only closeness and warmth.

“It was amazing.

“As he held my whole being in his gaze and seconds ticked past something shifted in me -- and I understood then what it takes...letting go control and expectations, accepting and then appreciating my son to the level where I am willing to engage in his world and not push him to be anything other than who he is and certainly he doesn't need to be anything like me…this is the foundation – this precedes anything and everything else”

The practical tools and solutions to childhood autism get you close to your child and the physical healing along the way is less to do with physical and brain restructuring than it is to do with that relationship of two beings connecting and tuning to each other… to an attitude of loving acceptance.

You have the ability to give a powerful gift to your child so that he can find his own inner strength and his own motivation to meet the challenges to grow and to change in all sorts of miraculous ways.

“Grace” is a beautiful word and what it means to me is that we can only do so much and after all the foundational work that we do we have to let go and trust that through grace (grace of god if you like) the final results are out of our control. Finally, success resides in the inner sanctum where your child and other unseen forces work. And that you giving up control and just accepting is the gift that allows these forces to work their magic.

Most parents cannot understand the significance of having eye contact with their child. For my "autistic" son and I it was the first such meeting of eyes and souls -- my wildly beating heart nearly broke through my chest. The thing is that this moment had taken 6 years in coming! And it happened within 3 days of me getting my head into the right space!

Gradually, over 10 years I put together the pieces of the puzzle that ended up giving me a unique perspective on autism.

Getting eye contact from my son was just the beginning. Ben now age 19 shows very little in the way of his original withdrawn autistic symptoms. He is more loving and affectionate than any human being I know -- at least when he's not being an obstinate teenager!

There are skills required to firstly connect with, and then to lead the "A" child out of his comfort zone!

Rather than just being at the mercy of the "whirlwind" that is the autistic child you can enter into the game that he or she is playing and you can win the game BUT it’s not about winning or fighting or controlling. Your child is constantly communicating with you and in your mind it may seem like a completely foreign language.

And whether your child is totally withdrawn and locked in his world or a tempestuous, noisy runaway train that has you pulling your hair out then you really need to get into gear and get the knowledge that your child needs you to get.

You can do so much better than just coping with your strange and different child.

There are many choices and different paths confronting the parent of an autistic child. Once you begin exploring you find techniques, programs, theories, diets, supplements and tools that all profess to be best thing since sliced bread for your child.

And in your search for information much will seem to conflict with the last thing you read.

Yet whether you like the accelerated learning ideas of Glenn Doman or any one of the many behavioral modification therapies or the gentle approach of the SonRise program and whether you see the need for a body cleansing program with enzymes, homeopathy and diet [which I do think is important] there is still a deeper underlying foundation that will catapult your success.

Your child is hypersensitive to many things – some you readily see and others are less visible. Whether you believe it or not your child is sensitive and responsive to every attitude of judgement and non-acceptance, plus feelings of guilt, shame and anger in you and the other adults “in his or her care”. What you keep well hidden from most people is like rubbing lemon juice on a cut to these children.

It’s relatively easy to construct a box of tools in response to childhood autism. However, what I see as the foundation and what I would like to communicate to all parents and also what I’ve seen in people who have a magical repore with these kids, such that their autistic symptoms just seem to fall away, is to be absolutely truthful with yourself.

How do you really feel about your child and his or her behaviours? What emotions are running inside you? Who are you angry at? Do you feel guilty?

Can you let all that go because your child needs you? He needs you to be clear and loving and accepting. He needs you to tune into him. Can you love him as though there was no one else on the planet -- no one with expectations or judgements or limitations -- as though it were just the two of you alone and looking after each other?

Imagine just the two of you without any interest except your basic survival and being together. What would you need him or her to be if there was no one else? Hopefully this helps you because the basic foundation is to cultivate an attitude of unconditional love and acceptance.

And can you take another jump in shifting your experience of what’s before you?

Can you tweak your perspective and attitude just a little towards making your child with autism your spiritual or heroic journey over and above anything else you do on this planet? So when you clean the crayoned walls or spend two hours feeding or you wipe the bottom of your child after he has messed in his pants can you step up to the mark and know that this cleaning or feeding or wiping is your spiritual quest and this is the task of the hero?

Your attitude has the power to make every exercise and therapy and tool transformative and to ensure a joyful and fulfilling process as your child moves closer and closer towards his or her greatest potential.